Long Distance Relationships: A Guide to Make it Work

We can all agree long distance relationships are tough. We can also all agree that every relationship is different. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a “how to guide” to making every long distance relationship work?

Enter in Tatiana and Victoria (that’s us!) to lend you a hand. Having been through long distance relationships (aka LDR) ourselves, we wanted to share some tips that worked for us. We won’t claim to be love experts, but we hope that we can help make your long distance relationship a little bit easier.

Make sure to check out Proximity May Bring You Close, but Distance Can Bring You Closer: The Subtle Art of Distance in a Relationship by Tatiana Reger

Long Distance and Establishing Check-Ins

Nothing is more disheartening than saying goodbye to someone and not knowing the next time you will see them. This is why it is important to establish when and how you plan on maintaining contact with your partner. We came up with 3 types of check-ins that you can use to maintain your relationship.

Daily Calls – Let’s first start off with the simplest (and probably the most obvious) way of checking-in with each other. Missing your boo is tough, so daily phone calls and/or video calls will keep intense longing to a minimum. The intention of these types of check-ins are to update each other about the day, share thoughts, and discuss the plans for tomorrow. Also, it’s just nice to see your partner’s face everyday, even if it is brief. We recommend that one call is best, with maybe small messages throughout the day if we need an immediate answer. These types of calls do really well either during the morning to start the day or in the evening to end it. 

Quick Technology Tip: Fix laggy WiFi by switching from video to voice call

Periodic Visits – The second type of check-in is to organize short visits with each other. This type is especially important if your long distance is over a longer period of time. By organizing these short visits, it will split the total time of not seeing each other into smaller chunks. This does involve a bit of travel planning, and in some cases isn’t feasible. We will get into the details of this one a bit more in the travel section below. Hold tight on this one.  

End Goal Reached – The third type of check-in is the best one in our opinion. The final check-in is when the long distance part of the relationship is finally over. It means at the end, you finally don’t have to worry about time zones or planning calls. No matter if you are apart because of work, school, or visas, scheduling the end of long distance will give both parties a goal to strive for. Think of it like setting up a light at the end of the tunnel to run towards so no one is just sitting in the dark.

Long Distance and Travel

It doesn’t matter if the distance is an hour car ride or a 20+ hour flight across an ocean. If you want to have a romantic relationship with someone then we think it is safe to assume that you want to be near them as well. Anyone who has traveled in order to meet up with their partners can tell you that travel takes time, energy and resources to pull off. So we came up with a couple of ideas to make the most of traveling to visit your partner.

Set up a travel fund. One of the biggest hurdles is finding the money to travel in order to see your partner. It is a reality that all long distance relationships must face. Be proactive and start setting up a travel fund so you can schedule a visit. For some guidance on saving up money to travel, read this.

Make the visits worth it. Visiting bae is one of our favorite parts of being in a LDR (obviously)! Each visit we got to show the other our favorite place or experience a new place together. Some of the best visits occurred when we met in a city neither of us lived in. By doing so we made a little vacation out of the short trip too. The visits were short (2-3 days), but it was all we needed. During the condensed time we were able to consciously appreciate each other’s presence.

Do your best not to leave on a bad note. If you get into an argument when visiting, fix it ASAP. Because once you leave, it’s harder to communicate and resolve what happened. While not impossible to fix the situation, the distance certainly doesn’t make it any easier. So even if it is a band aid solution, talk over and fix the issue before going back home.

Long Distance and Emotional Expectations

From our experience, emotions act differently in a long distance relationship than it does when a couple is physically near each other. Being in a LDR makes emotions no less stronger or weaker, however knowing how to manage those emotions so both parties don’t go insane is important. Here are a couple ways we manage our emotions so they don’t spiral.

Be frank about the status of the relationship. If you start off the long distance of the relationship not fully understanding the perspective of your partner, then you risk being blindsided. In order to ensure there are no emotional mix-ups, establish whether the relationship exists because of convenience, physical, support, or long-term goals. If one of you wants to spend the rest of their lives with each other and the other is just having a good time, it is worth your time to establish that right away.

“If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” – RuPaul

To keep a LDR strong, or any relationship for that matter, is to love yourself. Loving yourself includes working and caring for yourself. By doing so, you are able to progress as an individual and your relationship too! So keep yourself busy with your own projects and pleasures. Remember that you both are individuals. So do yo own thang (and let them do theirs).

More Advice from Other Long Distance Relationships

“Always give benefit of the doubt in your conversations, especially when you are texting. Remember who the person you are dating is and don’t let any arguments/misunderstandings negatively construe your perception of them.” – A

“If there is one thing that keeps me strong it is simply being myself and living my life. Though it can feel like part of me is missing at times, I am no less of myself without him. In fact, being separated from my love allowed me to gain an independence and confidence in myself that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I am positive that one day [he] and I will be reunited and when we are, these qualities I developed will strengthen our relationship tenfold.” – N

“Make sure you are on the same page when it comes to visits. Understand their schedule when you come over.” – S

“I think if I had any advice it would be to feel your feels. Small hiccups can become big things when you can’t give a quick kiss on the cheek or a hug. But that’s ok. It’s important to just give yourself space to feel the emotions that you have and then discuss them. Trying to suppress it just creates two problems.” – W

“Have a date to look forward to always helps, makes the time appear to go by faster. Also, put in extra effort when your apart to communicate and remind your partner how much you care about them.” – S

“[We] tried an approach when we got into a LDR, saving all our comments, precious observations, love messages, stories etc until the end of the day for our scheduled time to talk. When I was forced to basically hold the messages in for the day it bottled up like a nicely carbonated champagne bottle. At the end of the day, I got to share my stuff and hear hers. This approach helped me focus more on my start-up work, taking in my own observations as an individual and still feel an unbreakable attachment to my partner at the end of the day, despite thousands of miles in-between us.” – M

Creative Romantic Ideas for Long Distance

Just because you are apart doesn’t mean there aren’t ways to keep the romance alive! Before we end this guide, here are a couple ideas for you to try.

Phone Dates – Being in a long distance relationship doesn’t mean that the dates have to go on pause. Go to restaurant, get a nice corner table, prop your phone up, put on your headphones, and have your bae do the same. You might feel a little absurd at first, but falling in love is absurd too.  

Airport Pickup – It’s simple, but it is honestly one of the best feelings and experiences in the world. Walking through the doors (or watching them walk through) and seeing your partner in crime for the first time in a long time puts a big stupid smile on your face. It’s wonderful.

Fun Mailers – Doesn’t matter if its funny, romantic, or random, getting stuff in the mail is sure to make anyone smile. You can send anything from customized paper grams to potatoes! (Not sponsored or affiliated with them, but here is the link to the potato mailer if you are interested: potatoparcel.com)

Hopefully you had fun reading this collab piece, and that you also were able to take something away for your own relationship! Being far away from each other is hard. But with a little creativity and ingenuity, you too can make long distance a good experience. Good luck!

-Victoria and Tatiana

You can check out more of Tatiana’s work here or follow her here!